How China’s Post-90s Think About Love


whatsonweibopost90s

This year’s inofficial Chinese Valentine’s Day has brought about love-related online surveys and discussions, bringing new insights into how China’s younger generations think about love: the Post-90s generation holds other views than expected.

In Chinese, the pronunciation of ‘520’ sounds like “wo ai ni”, which means “I love you”. That’s why netizens in China have chosen 5/20, May 20th, as their unofficial Internet Valentine’s Day. This May, “Sweet520#” ( #甜蜜520#) became a number one hot topic on Sina Weibo.

As the 5/20 ‘Valentine’s Day’ has been getting more popular over the years, Shanghai’s Fudan University released a report on Internet and Contemporary Undergraduates this month, showing that Post-90s university students in China are calm, rational, practical and trustworthy when it comes to love and relationships. The survey revealed that the Post-90s generation sees more value in their partner’s comprehensive qualities and capabilities than in their family background or appearance.

Coincidently, another new survey on outlooks on love, conducted by Renren.com, obtained similar conclusions. Amongst the 2,573 Post-90s university students that participated in the multiple-choice survey, a whopping 87.1% and 81.1% listed ‘personality’ and ‘having things in common’ as the most important factors in a relationship, followed by ‘appearance and figure'(58.2%). Economic condition and educational background, surprisingly, only accounted for 32.3% and 23.9% respectively.

“The Post-90s generation is mature and pragmatic in terms of love”

The aforementioned surveys triggered discussions on Sina Weibo on May 20. CNR (China National Radio) invited users to take part in the discussion on its public Weibo account. Results displayed that roughly 80% of Weibo users hold the idea that the Post-90s generation is mature and pragmatic in terms of love, as they focus more on personality and moral quality.

Weibo user ‘Big Blue’ said: “Every generation has its own distinct outlook on love. The post-60s generation emphasizes family background; post-70s generation values moral quality; the post 1980s generation wouldn’t get married without a house, while the Post-90s generation pay more attention to personality and things in common. This is a sign of social progress and development.”

“Economic base determines the superstructure”

Another Post-90s Weibo user called ‘Match-ups’ said: “We pay more attention to spiritual life rather than material life as the majority of Post-90s are highly educated. Plus, personality and common language play important roles in marriage anyways.” However, about 20% of Weibo users believe that a successful marriage is more than matching personalities. As a popular saying goes: “Economic base determines the superstructure.”

User ‘Ling’ expressed the importance of economic circumstances: “I’m Post-90s and I’m willing to face the reality – it’s better to be practical as the societal competition is fierce. Money is important. Everything else is empty.”

China’s Post-90s generation is generally labeled as ‘free-spirited’ and ‘capricious’. These new surveys and discussions on social networking sites have showed another side: a mature attitude towards relationships and marriage. As the Post-90s are reaching the appropriate age for marriage, they tend to think more about their future like an adult, instead of being childish and self-willed.

——————————————————————

This article was published on What’s on Weibo.

Chinese Relationship Guru to Women: Put Motherhood On Hold


PicMonkey Collage

Do not get pregnant too soon – that is the message of China’s most popular relationship advisor to women on Weibo. The post became an instant hit, igniting online discussions of becoming a mom directly after marriage.

Chinese best-selling author Lu Qi (陆琪), also known as one of the most popular relationship advisors on Sina Weibo, advises Chinese women on his Weibo account not to have children too quickly after getting married. The post resonated with millions of female Weibo users since it was published on May 10.

In the post, titled “Do Not Become a Mother Too Young” (不要太早当妈), Lu Qi writes about how a young girl from rural China had to give up her dream of studying at the China Academy of Art because she got pregnant. She could have become an artist and live the life of her dreams, but instead, she got married young and had a child at 18 years old. She remained in the small rural town with its narrow-minded community, raising the baby instead of going to university. Lu also illustrates how the dreams of a myriad of other young Chinese women were crushed after being forced by their husbands and parents to have kids.

“So many places to explore, so many dreams to pursue.”

Lu Qi shared his thoughts with his 21 million followers on Weibo: “I always believe that it’s irresponsible for a woman to have a child unprepared, no matter whether it’s an accident or persuasion. A mother’s love is a woman’s nature, and some people make use of this ‘nature’ to limit and change women – and they usually get what they want, which is horrible.”

Lu Qi adds that he hopes that all girls will understand that motherhood is not about carrying on the family line, or something that parents or husband urge you to do, and also not something that happens by accident. Having and raising a child will change your life for good. Once you are a mother, you have to be responsible and are limited to do what you can do with your life. There are so many places to explore in the world and so many dreams to pursue – why not achieve these goals when you are still young and then having a child when you and your husband are both ready?

luqi (2)

Relationship guru Lu Qi’s Weibo post ‘do not become a mother too young’ has been viewed over 66 million times.

The hashtag #不要太早当妈# (‘do not become a mother too young’) has been viewed over 66 million times on Weibo in the past few days. An ongoing poll shows that 78% Weibo users support the idea of waiting a while before having babies.

Weibo user ‘Small Fox’ cannot agree more with Lu Qi. She replied on his post: “I would have preferred having babies later in life, but my husband and parents-in-law pushed me very hard to become pregnant as soon as possible. I really regretted my decision as all the efforts I’ve made on my career were in vain. I’m not even sure if I’m able to go back to work after my kid goes to kindergarten, and I don’t know what I can do.”

“I feel like I’m not living for myself.”

“I believe I have the right to say something here, as I’ve already had two kids at age 24,” Weibo user ‘Xiaoshan Niuniu’ writes. She confesses that she would have rather waited a while to have kids if she could choose again: “I feel like I’m not living for myself since I gave birth to my kids. It makes me so sad, especially when my husband leaves the kids alone with me so that he can go out and have fun with his friends. Both husband and wife need to shoulder the responsibility for bringing up the children. However, the society holds the view that the wife is supposed to take care of both the kids and the husband. We also have our own goals and dreams!”

In Chinese culture, women are expected to devote themselves to raising the children and looking after the husband regardless how successful or ambitious they are before tying the knot. In the recent decade, Chinese women increasingly fight for their rights. Female netizens express that it means a lot to them that male icon, Lu Qi, supports them in propagating his message to women: pursue your dreams, working hard for your career, and only become a mother when the time is right.

___________________________

This article was published on What’s on Weibo.

“Sitting the Month” – a Gift or Torture?


master-sit-in-month

After Mother’s Day, it is still a hot topic on China’s social media: how could Kate Middleton appear in public, high heels and all, only 10 hours after giving birth? In China, new moms are confined to their beds for weeks after giving birth. This tradition, called ‘sitting the month’, comes with many rules. Amongst them: no showering, no drinking cold water, no leaving the house.

Just like a lot of countries in the world, China celebrated Mother’s Day last weekend, on the second Sunday in May. While the whole nation was preoccupied with buying mum’s gifts, one online picture was still passionately discussed on Sina Weibo: the photo of The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, leaving the hospital and showing up in public looking pretty and rested, only ten hour after giving birth to Princess Charlotte.

According to Chinese tradition, women are expected to rest indoors for a full month after giving birth, which is called “sitting the month” or “zuo yuezi” (坐月子) in Chinese.

Zuo yuezi” can be dated back to Western Han Dynasty (B.C. 202 – A.D.9) and was even mentioned in the 2,000-year-old Book of Changes, or I-Ching (易经). After giving birth, tradition keeps a new mother indoors for the month after the baby is born. The new mother is treated like a queen – waited on hand and foot. She doesn’t need to do anything; not taking care of the baby nor cooking for the family. Every year, millions of Chinese women submit to this practice. Women generally see it as a gift as well as a torture.

No taking showers, no brushing teeth.

During the traditional confinement period, new mothers sit around in pajamas for a month to recover from childbirth. There are a lot of rules, which many new moms are struggling with: no going outside, no stairs, no lifting, no cold drinks, no open windows, no air conditioning in summer or winter, and, inconveniently, no taking showers or brushing teeth. Even when breastfeeding, women lie on their sides instead of holding the baby.

From generation to generation, Chinese women are told if they do not undergo this confinement, they will suffer from health problems later in life. Therefore, Chinese netizens were shocked by Kate’s public appearance in her fancy high heels just ten hours after her delivery.

35515246_1

One user called “Potty-mouthed Queen” posted on Sina Weibo: “I felt extremely weak and tired after I gave birth to my daughter. There’s no way I could stand and show up like Kate after 10 hours.”

Kate’s public display led to the reflection of Chinese tradition in modern society. Another user, “Lemon”, said: “I’ve been staying in bed for 10 days already and I really hate it. I can’t brush my teeth or take a shower. I’m not allowed to eat raw fruit or vegetables, or drink coffee, cold drinks or even cold water. I understand that these rules are aimed at restoring balance to the new mother’s body after childbirth, but I’ve had enough.”

“Comparing Western women with Chinese women is like comparing apples with oranges”.

Most Chinese still believe that women following the tradition of ‘sitting the month’ later will have less health problems than those who don’t. In addition, Chinese traditions still play an integral role in everyday life, as people tend to respect them and pass them on to their children: “It must make sense since the tradition has passed generation to generation,” said many users on Weibo.

Other netizens pointed out physical differences between Chinese and westerners. “It’s like comparing apples with oranges. We shouldn’t follow what western mothers do as the diet habits and geographical environments are different“, user Zhang Daidai commented on Weibo. According to her, Caucasian women eat a lot of beef and high protein food, making it unnecessary for them to ‘sit’ the month after delivering the baby. However, the user points out, they put on weight easier than most Chinese: “It’s all about the diet habits. Westerners already have more than enough calcium and protein in their body, thus, the loss of calcium and protein during labour doesn’t really affect them. On the contrary, Chinese women generally miss these nutriments in a great amount, so it’s better to endure it for a month and avoid serious health problems in the future.”

The practice of ‘sitting the month’ related to existing ideas about balancing yin and yang. If the yin and yang are balanced in the body, one will not get sick. If they are out of balance, people tend to get ill more easily.

In spite of all the arguments online, the benefits of ‘sitting the month’ are evident for many Chinese women. As one of the new mothers shared: “I was totally against the idea of confinement in childbirth. But after 30 days, I did feel like it helped me recover and the constant headache which always bothered me before delivery is now gone.

Despite the rapid speed of China’s modernization, the long-history practice of ‘sitting the month’ remains popular and treasured. Although the radiant post delivery Kate Middleton fascinated Chinese netizens, it is unlikely that Chinese new mums will step out in their high heels after giving birth any time soon.

Image sources:
The World of Chinese
Huffington Post
Baidu

This article was published on What’s on Weibo.