Should China’s Singles Pay Their Parents?


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Giving money to the parents is a common practice in China, especially for singles who still live at home, as a way for children to ‘give back’ for their parents raising them. But as times are changing, not all children are willing to share their finances with their parents anymore.

A popular Dragon TV interview program, “Meeting Room of Two Generations” (两代会议厅), recently talked about whether unmarried children who live with their parents should hand over their salary bank card to their parents after they begin working full time. The topic sparked a debate on Sina Weibo.

For the post 1950s and 1960s generations, it was a tradition that kids financially supported their parents by handing in their wages. This was before the one child policy(独生子女政策)came into effect. Typically there were 2 to 4 unmarried adult children living with the parents. They put money in together, letting the parents (mothers in particular) take control of the finances. In those days, the majority of Chinese people earned approximately US$5-20 a month; the whole family would give their share to make sure there was enough food and clothing.

“My income belongs to me exclusively”

Times have changed. China has become a well-off society in an all-round way. The Post-80s and 90s generations generally want to be financially independent now; a symbol of individual independency.

One Sina Weibo user called ‘A Cat’ says: “My income belongs to me exclusively. I get to spend my money in whatever way I want. I believe that economic independence is a sign of a person’s general independence. Financial independence not only means I can support myself without asking money from my parents, but more importantly, it means I am able to control and manage my own income.”

User ‘Xiongmiao’ emphasizes the importance of being independent as a girl: “It’s so weird to have to hand over the pay card to the parents, and then wait for them to give me allowance. I’m not a kid anymore. Personally I think it’s a good thing to form a concept of money as soon as we start working and learn how to manage our income. It is especially important for girls.”

“I give my mom half of my salary every month to show filial obedience”

But some netizens also support the idea of handing in their income to the parents, as supporting the elderly is a traditional virtue in China. Chinese parents lavish children with love and money when they are young, and they expect to get a return when the kids start to make money.

“I don’t hand over my pay card, but I give my mom half of my salary every month just to show filial obedience. I’m a grow-up man who is supposed to support the family and shoulder some of the responsibilities”, confesses a netizen called ‘Super’ on Sina Weibo.

User ‘Dodo’ comments that supporting parents is the right thing to do especially if you are not from a wealthy family. “I’m from a poor family and I always wanted to financially help my parents. I send them one-third of my salary every month. It’s a relief to see that they are having a better life now.”

One thing to note is that usually is the mother that demands the child to hand in the salary. As the user ‘Small Bun’ shared: “I’m single and not making a lot of money, but my mom insisted that I should let her manage all of my income. However, my dad said I don’t need to do that because I need money as an adult.”

“Chinese women have a big say in how the money is spent”

Compared with women in other countries, Chinese women seem to have a bigger say in how the family money is spent. It’s very common that the wife control the finances of the family after getting married in China. The financial management ranges from small household items to buying a house.

In China, money is often a way to women to secure their future. Many married women worry that their husbands will cheat on them (take on a ‘second wife‘) or lose interest in them after having kids. Though holding the money doesn’t necessarily mean holding the man’s heart, many Chinese wives see financial commitment as a promise from their husbands. In a similar way, mothers also often think they can control their kids by controlling how much they spend, even when they are grown-up.

One advantage of this system, is that Chinese wives control of the family finance is likely to increase the household savings, as the savings in the bank will also give them a feeling of security. “I don’t think my mom ever spends the money I give her,” says Tianya (online forum) user ‘Rain’: “She just saves them into our bank account every month as my wedding fund. It’s a brilliant idea.”

Conclusively, on social media, most netizens seem to agree that it is necessary for Chinese kids to make a contribution to the household while they still live with their parents. However, parents should not expect their adult children to hand in their pay cards with the excuse that it is ‘to help them manage their money’. All in all, it is considered beneficial for the kids to learn how to control and spend their own money before they starting a family themselves.

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Image source: scrb.com

This article was published on What’s on Weibo.

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One thought on “Should China’s Singles Pay Their Parents?

  1. its normal in the UK for kids who are earning to pay rent/Board to their parents – normally a small weekly amount

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